Another race, another win for number forty-eight. Is it just me, or has Jimmie Johnson won half the races this season?

Greg.

By DJ Gallo

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Peyton Manning is scheduled to host “Saturday Night Live” this weekend. And based on the acting and comedic abilities he’s displayed in his many commercials, he’ll probably do a very good job.

But with “SNL” currently stuck in a period with few, if any, well-known recurring sketches, it’s a shame Manning won’t get to appear on stage with any iconic “SNL” characters.

I can’t pretend to do justice to past “Saturday Night Live” writers, but I can imagine what it might have been like to watch Manning in some classic “SNL” sketches.

AP Photo/Justin Sutcliffe

Wouldn’t you love to see what these guys could do with Peyton?

Bill Swerski’s Superfans
“Bill Swerski’s Superfans” has Peyton Manning on the show to pay him respect for somehow vanquishing the mighty Bears in the Super Bowl. Manning is very gracious and repeatedly pays compliments to the Bears, as well as to Chicago quarterback Rex Grossman. But each time he says Grossman’s name, Chris Farley’s character goes into cardiac arrest.

Church Lady
Tony Dungy (played by Peyton Manning) impresses Dana Carvey’s ultra-judgmental Church Lady with his stance on gay marriage. However, the Church Lady warns Dungy of those close to him who might try to talk him out of his views, and mentions one potential candidate by name: “Could it be … PEYTON?!”

Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker
Peyton Manning (playing Tom Brady) takes a shot at the Patriots in a sketch that shows the New England sideline in the final minute of the AFC Championship Game after the Colts took the lead. Head coach Bill Belichick brings over a motivational speaker to address his quarterback and the rest of the New England offense — a motivational speaker much like Belichick himself: poorly dressed, overweight and divorced. The speaker, Matt Foley (Chris Farley), tells the Patriots they are failures.

Brady: “But we won three Super Bowls in the past six years.”

Foley: “Well, la-dee-FREAKIN-da!”

Foley then falls on his behind and breaks the bench because Reche Caldwell is unable to catch him. Clearly shaken, Brady takes the field and throws the game-clinching interception.

Stuart Smalley
Eli Manning (played by Peyton Manning) appears on Al Franken’s “Stuart Smalley” show. Stuart Smalley tries to improve Eli’s self-esteem by having him repeat into a mirror: “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And doggone it … people like me.” Eli keeps messing up the mantra, however, and, weeping, has to be escorted from the set by a stagehand — a stagehand wearing a Giants sweatshirt. As Smalley wraps up the show, Eli can be heard yelping and crying from offstage as the stagehand slaps him around.

Dysfunctional Family
Peyton Manning appears as himself and Will Ferrell plays Colts offensive coordinator Tom Moore. After Manning audibles out of yet another play that Moore has called, Moore freaks out on the sideline: “Stop ignoring me! I am very important! I am an offensive coordinator in charge of 26 people! I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!”

Great skit, but it’s still a little hard to believe they made the movie.

The Ladies Man
Peyton Manning, as himself, appears on Leon Phelps’ (Tim Meadows) talk show, “The Ladies Man.” Phelps attempts to wow Manning with his prowess with the ladies. But it ends up being Manning who proves he is the true master by regaling Phelps with tales of being swarmed by young girls at Sweet 16 parties — and how he makes six figures in the process.

Debbie Downer
Peyton Manning goes out to dinner with some friends, including Rachel Dratch’s Debbie Downer.

Manning: “I feel blessed to have played nine years in the NFL with fantastic teammates and coaches and to have won a Super Bowl.”

Debbie Downer: “Too bad studies suggest that by age 40 you’ll be so hobbled from arthritis that you’ll barely be able to walk, and that by 50 you’ll be confined to a wheelchair for life.”

The Dark Side With Nat X
Lil’ Ronnie (played by Peyton Manning) appears on Chris Rock’s “Nat X” show. Lil’ Ronnie performs his brand of preteen, football-centric, Indianapolis rap, but before he can even get halfway through his first song he is savagely beaten by Nat X and thrown off the set.

Coneheads
Beldar and Prymaat Conehead (played by Dan Aykroyd and Jane Curtin) stand in line at an autograph signing to meet their hero, Peyton Manning. Once they finally reach Manning they tell him they are his biggest fans because he is the greatest Conehead athlete of all time. Manning says that he is not a Conehead, but Beldar and Prymaat insist that he must be, due to his oddly shaped gourd and massive forehead. After several minutes of arguing, Manning finally comes to the realization that he is, in fact, an alien and even possesses a real laser-rocket arm.

Goat Boy
Tom Brady (again played by Peyton Manning) shows up for his latest sensual GQ photo shoot with a goat. But instead of a little baby goat, the photographer tells him to snuggle with the half-man, half-goat Goat Boy (Jim Breuer). The pair immediately hit it off and Brady falls madly in love with Goat Boy due to his intense attraction to goats and because it is biologically impossible for him to impregnate a male goat.

Wayne’s World
Due to his unyielding desire for media exposure, Peyton Manning agrees to appear on a small cable access show in Aurora, Ill. The hosts, hard-rock lovers Wayne and Garth (Mike Myers and Dana Carvey), ask Manning who he thinks is the greatest musician of all time. Manning says “Kenny Chesney.” Wayne and Garth then spew uncontrollably until the show ends.

DJ Gallo is the founder and sole writer of the sports satire site SportsPickle.com. He is also a regular contributor to ESPN The Magazine and has written for The Onion and Cracked. His first book — “SportsPickle Presents: The View from the Upper Deck” — will be in stores in May. Preorder is available here.

Thanks, David.  Sports it is.  I like your choices for Most Enjoyable, they are almost my picks exactly.  I am down with TO being a moron, but to be honest I, for some reason, like Shaq, so therefore, I like the Heat.  (Even though I pretty much don’t like anything Miami.)  But I understand your reasons and think they are valid.  And the Olympics — there was an Olympics this year?

MOST ENJOYABLE SPORTS NEWS:

3. Boise State Fiesta Bowl Fireworks

Technically, this game was played in 2007, but since it was part of the 2006 season I felt I could write about it.  I caught the end of this game, which turned out to be the best part.  This, to me, is football as its best.  Teams playing all four quarters, and then some.  Calling plays that you would only call in your backyard sandlot football game.  I loved it.  It was guts and glory.  The perfect ending to a perfect season.  Now, if Florida can beat Ohio State…does Boise State deserve the National Championship?

2. Saints Came Marching In, and Marching They Did

Being a Tampa Bay Buccaneer fan I don’t have too much love for the Saints, but I do have a heart and I realize there is more to sports then — sports.  The New Orleans Saints coming home and playing in the Superdome for the first time since Hurricane Katrina was powerful.  I am glad ESPN was now hosting Monday Night Football.  If any TV powerhouse knows how to be overly dramatic with "home interest" stories involving sports figures, its ESPN.  But on this day, I found it appropriate.  New Orleans as a city is far from back, but that game and this season were important pieces to the re-building puzzle.

1. The 2006 BCS Championship Game

After the Boise State Fiesta Bowl this year, I heard many people mention they thought it was the best college football game ever.  What?  Granted it was good and very enjoyable, but the best ever?  No.  There are many great college football games every season, but I don’t know that you can put a greatest game ever tag on a game that most likely means nothing but a little extra money to each school.  (Now, as I eluded to earlier, if Florida beats Ohio State, then we can start looking at the 2007 Fiesta bowl as a college classic.)

I am not saying all that to say the 2006 Rose Bowl was the best college football game ever played, but it was atleast for something — the National Championship!  Vince Young was a freak and I was glad to see him and Texas win.  I can’t stand Matt La Nerd!  I personally thought they lost to Notre Dame that year and shouldn’t have even been in the game to begin with.  Then his smug comments after the game pretty much confirmed my distain for him.

I thought this game was great.  Late game heroics, one man taking his team on his shoulders to win it all.  Good stuff.  I doubt this year’s National Championship Game will have the same feel, but we can always fall back on the Boise State game from this year. 

Honorable Mention: Rutgers Head Football coach, Greg Schiano, for not taking the Alabama job; Andre Agassi; Zidane Zinedine, if someone called my mom a terrorist, I would head-butt them in the chest too — no I wouldn’t, but thanks for the laugh.; Jeff Bowden leaves FSU.

MOST DISAPPOINTING SPORTS NEWS

Terrell Owens: Like David, I am not a fan of ol’ T.O.  I think he is a spoiled brat who is not great, but good.  He would be great if he would play nice with his teamates.  Since he can’t, in my eyes, he is only good.  (Although, I must admit I liked thought him wearing the Tour De France shirt while riding the stationary bike during the pre-season was pretty funny.  And the fact that "he" wrote a childrens book, that was pretty funny too.)

Dallas Cowboys: Why the Dallas Cowboys you ask?  For getting T.O.  Like David said in his post, they knew his past, so why even take a chance.  A lot of good it did them.

Houston Texans: Mario Williams!?!?  What?  A first rounder, maybe.  But first pick overall.  Boy, you crazy.  And he is rich. 

Nick Saban: Man, grow some hangers and at least say you are a canditate for another coaching job.  Don’t bold face lie to us.  I feel sorry for Alabama, I think they settled with you.

FSU Boosters: Now, this one is close to home — literally.  I am glad that Jeff Bowden is gone from FSU.  I have nothing against him as a person persay, but as an offensive coordinator, he was horrible.  He wasn’t the only reason FSU has been bad, but I think he was a big reason.

I am upset at how he left.  I really wish that Jeff would have just moved on.  He, with his last name alone, could get a coaching job somewhere else, and possibly do well.  I also wish the Boosters wouldn’t have paid him off.  $107,000 a year, for the next five years!  The other assitant coaches must be salivating over that deal.  Talk about some leverage.  "So, you paid Jeff half a million to leave.  What are you going to pay me to stay?"

Well, those are my thoughts on sports for 2006 and a little of 2007.  Check with David to see what is up next.

Until then.

Greg.

The views expressed in this post are my own and are alittle bit overthetop sometimes.  My true feelings for the people mentioned in this post are not intirally true…although pretty close.

Happy New Year.  Welcome, 2007!  I am excited about this year.  I have many plans for myself this year.  Two-Thousand Aught Seven is going to be a selfish year for Greg Ramer (that’s me).  And I can’t wait to selfishly share it with all of you.

Quick update, since I haven’t posted in a week…

I am back from hunting in Mississippi, where I had a blast with my family up there.  I did kill one deer and got to enjoy a lot of down-time in the woods just ‘getting away from it all.’  I will try and post some more about the trip as well as my entry for the King Sized Blogs of 2006.

Stay tuned.

Greg.